Heaven...

I’m reading a book, A Travel Guide to Heaven, by Anthony DeStefano, which is as daft as the title suggests. It will be going back to a charity shop tomorrow. Based on biblical sources (or so the author insists) he imagines what we can expect if we pass the celestial audition and make it to heaven. “There’s bound to be a bit of speculation and imagination in any book about heaven”, Mr DeStefano admits, before turning his powers of speculation right up to eleven.

“We’ll be able to see ancient Rome again, not in ruins, but clad in all its golden splendour. We’ll be able to see the Pyramids and the Sphinx just as they were on the day they were built. We’ll be able to view the Parthenon with all its marble columns and statues intact. We’ll be able to walk through the streets of old Paris, or Renaissance Florence or the China of the Ming Dynasty. Likewise, ancient Greeks and Romans who rise from the dead on the Last Day will get to see the skyline of Manhattan. And yes, why shouldn’t it be true that in God’s heaven, the World Trade Centre will rise up again? I know this all seems incredible, but heaven is incredible”.

“Everything we know about God tells us that heaven will be literally bursting with colour. Think of the most colourful sunset you can imagine. Think of the reds, yellows, oranges, pinks and blues. Think of the thrilling effect a sunset like that can have on your spirit. Now realise that only four basic colours go into making that beautiful picture. Let me ask you a question: do you think that God only has four colours on his palette?”

“Do you think you’ve tasted some good food in your life? Well, wait until you taste the food in heaven! Not only will you be able to eat the familiar foods you had on Earth, but there will be new ones to try - with brand-new flavours and brand-new tastes”.

I only carried on reading Mr DeStefano’s book to see if there would be sex in heaven. He seems certain - though God knows how - about colours and new taste sensations, but when it comes to sex, he becomes rather coy and ducks the question entirely. He doesn’t know if there will be sexual relationships in heaven, and, for the first time in 200 pages, he refuses to speculate. Since nobody dies in heaven, there is no need to procreate. There is no marriage in heaven (Jesus said we would be “like angels”). So, in the Christian view, that makes sex irrelevant. The thought of men and women having pleasurable, consequence-free sex with multiple partners is just too much for Mr DeStefano to contemplate. He mumbles a few words about love and respect, then starts a new chapter…