Kirkby Stephen...

My ribs ache from coughing so much yesterday, but the cough has stopped. God wasn’t punishing me, after all. I thought I’d be laid low for a week or more, but now I feel invigorated. I think it might be a miracle. God saw a hole in his punishing schedule and was able to answer my prayers. Hallelujah!

I was in a shop in Kirkby Stephen when a little old lady asked if I could help her put a few items into her shopping bag. “I’ll have to be careful”, she said, “I don’t want them to think I’m shoplifting”. But she wasn’t just a little old lady, she was a little old lady from central casting. Any casting director looking for a rosy-cheeked, twinkly-eyed grandmother for some romcom would give her the role right away. I told her she could have a profitable career in relieving shops of excess stock, and that, if caught, she could say she’d forgotten, or the doctor had changed her medication. She would get away with it, no problem.

Licensed today: Burton Agnes Hall in East Yorkshire...