Goole is a surprise winner in the latest ‘Throw Money at Shit Towns’ sweepstake, with £25 million newly allocated for revitalising the town centre. The renaissance has started already. According to the Goole Times, the mayor has just cut the ribbon on a new store. Doomsday Gear promises to be a “one-stop shop for all your survival needs”: body armour, camouflage creams, flash grenades (made by a company called Enola Gaye), boots guaranteed to survive “blunt trauma impact”, outdoor gear (in any colour you want, as long as it’s khaki). There’s plenty here for disaffected young men of Goole, whose greatest regret is missing out on combat, comradeship and conscription in a proper fighting war. There are even toy grenades for the kids. A spokesman for Doomsday Gear said he was “looking forward to what the future brings”. According to the company's mission statement, that will hopefully be World War III.
Licenced today: the Albert Memorial Clock Tower in Barnstaple, Devon…
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