Dead whale...

The carcass of a 30-tonne fin whale that died after being beached in Bridlington, has been removed in an operation described by the local council as the “largest of its kind”. The beached whale was loaded whole, with diggers, onto a flatbed truck, and taken away, because it had become “a tourist attraction”. The job had to be done quickly, because decomposing whales have been known to explode. Only those familiar with East Yorkshire’s premier seaside resort will understand why a dead and potentially explosive whale is a bigger draw than the town’s many hostelries, fish ’n’ chip shops and amusement arcades. 

House for sale in Howden. If anyone wants to illustrate the state of the housing market in springtime, I might make a sale..

A waste of a wet weekend...

I have the order of service for the king’s coronation today. The great and the good will be ushered into Westminster Abbey: the Clerk of the Closet, the Groom of the Robes, the Lady Usher of the Black Rod, the Keeper of the Privy Purse, the Inspector of the Royal Foreskin, all presided over by the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells. Other faiths will be represented – Jains, Buddhists, Sikh, Jews, Zoroastrians, Sunni Muslim, Shia Muslim and members of the Baháʼí Faith – though the coronation ceremony will be unremittingly Christian in nature. And not just Christian... but Protestant.

The Archbishop of Canterbury will address the kneeling King Charles. “Will you to the utmost of your power to maintain in the United Kingdom the Protestant Reformed Religion established by law? Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the settlement of the Church of England, and the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government thereof, as by law established in England?” The king will reply: “All this I promise to do”, and will also declare that he is a “faithful Protestant”. God – the Protestant God – will be mentioned no fewer than eighty times before the great, the good and Prince Andrew file out of the Abbey, to enjoy a right royal knees-up and a pie ’n’ pea supper down at the Old Bull and Bush…

Yesterday in Blacktoft...

A busy polling day turnout in the village of Blacktoft...

Polling day...

It took just five minutes, this morning, to do my civic duty. The polling station in Asselby is the back room of the village pub, just across the road from the Old Sunday School. I showed my photo ID and cast my vote. I doubt if my choice will do anything to alter the political landscape of this corner of the East Riding, but I live in hope.

Licensed today: the Aire & Calder Navigation in Knottingley, West Yorkshire…

Drunken Duck...

Licensed today: the Drunken Duck, pub and restaurant, at Barngates, near Ambleside, Cumbria…

Cuckoo...

Enjoyed a couple of hours at Blacktoft Sands. The reedbeds were tranquil, somnolent; me too. The marsh harriers were the most active birds, with their aerobatic mating displays. I heard bitterns booming, but today’s highlight was hearing the first cuckoo of the year.

Cuckoo (Creative Commons)…

Oath of allegiance...

We are being invited to swear an oath of allegiance – called the Homage of the People – during the king’s coronation ceremony. “I swear that I will pay true allegiance to your majesty,” we’re supposed to say, “and to your heirs and successors according to law. So help me God.” Well, bollocks to that. If there’s any need for an oath of allegiance (spoiler alert: there isn’t), it should be the other way round. Considering the royal family’s obscene wealth, and their reluctance to pay tax on any of it, they should be giving grateful thanks that they haven’t been summarily executed by a mob of angry commoners. And who is paying for the whole coronation charade? We are, so help me God!

Licensed today: St Cuthbert's Church in Aldingham, Cumbria…